Being alone

I have not been alone for 10 years now.  I do not even know what it feels like, to be alone. And im not talking about 1 hour at the gym, alone.  Or at the grocery store, alone.  

I mean a single life.  

I got pregnant when I was 20.  I didn't know what life was.  Heck, I wasnt even old enough to drink at the bar!  
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately.  Girls, who are still in college.  That live in an apartment.  That do daily activities.  Alone.  They even have scheduled timeline to prove it.  

 I have been alone before.  On vacation.  Out at the bar.  I don't even know what to do with myself.  It makes me feel as if I missing something.  

That I need to be constantly needed.  Make dinner.  Help with homework.  Bath bodies.  Tie shoes.  Walk to the bus.  I really do not know what or how to be alone.

I am not complaining .  I love my life.  I am happy.  I just think sometimes.  Think about the what ifs?  And being alone.  Is one I cannot do.  

My KonMari Adventure

I stumbled across the Marie Kondo book in a blog one day.  I am always up for trying new things (Whole 30, Dave Ramsey, Minimalism, anyone?).  I ordered the book on Amazon and patiently awaited its arrival.

I ended up reading the first half of the book and dove right in.  On a Wednesday night I did my clothes.  And holy shit did I have a lot of clothes.  I took them all out from every nook and cranny of my room and threw them on my bed.  It took me about 3 hours to go through, separate, bag, and ‘fold’ all of my new clothes.  In the book, you are to hold each piece of clothing up, one by one, and ask yourself if it brings you joy.  If the answer is no, you thank the article of clothing for its time well spent, and move on to the next.  Sounds super crazy, I know.  I felt strange saying it out loud, so I thanked it in my head.  And folding was a task!  See, Marie has a different folding method, one I’ve never done.  It was daunting at first, but once I put all of my clothes away, I was in awe of what I saw.  I was so happy I could see every shirt, every pair of pants – I knew it would be so easy now to pick what I wanted to wear.

The following week, I finished the book.  I went around the house doing other items.  Books, then papers.  (This is the order to follow, per the book). Then it was the living room (which included toys) and the Kitchen.  The Kitchen was by far my favorite, as this is where I spent most of my time.  Cleaning out the junk drawer, glasses/plates/bowls, and making my kitchen more functional.  I used to shove everything in the lower cabinets. Now everything has its own *space.

For the most part, I thought I was done.  Until recently I was having issues in my closet.  My shoes were everywhere, and I felt that I didn’t have enough storage for them.  So, I re-konmari’d my shoes.  The ones on the shelves were ones that I don’t wear, and don’t bring me joy anymore.   I tossed about 15 pairs, and made room for the everyday heels, boots, and sneakers.  I then went through my shirts, again.  I realized I have a lot of shirts that I have not even touched since I started this journey.  If I don’t wear them, why do I have them?  I really had to think about this one.  Some were coaching shirts, other gave me memories of races I did, or bring me joy when I workout.  I kept the ones that brought those happy memories.

I have not touched my boy’s clothes.  Nor my husbands.  Marie stats the first step is to confront your own stuff.  And sometimes I cringe looking at my husband’s side of the room.  But getting rid of his items would not bring me joy.  Maybe one day he will want to do it and I will help.

This book has helped me appreciate everything I have.  When I get home from work, I walk into my house, put my keys in their holder (thank the car for getting me there safe), hang up my coat (thank it for keeping me warm), take off my shoes (thank them for the hard work they did that day) and change my clothes into my loungewear.  I sound nuts, right?  Yeah I thought the same thing at first when I read the book.  But now, its second nature to me.  I can thoroughly enjoy my stuff, my house, my family, because I am not knee-deep into tidying every day.